you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
