"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
