He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
