At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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