quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
