everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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