She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
