omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
