then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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