He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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