At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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