I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
