There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
