I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
