White coat. Heels.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
