No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
