Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
