I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have feelings that need drinking.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
