I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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