I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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