Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
