The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Operation Purity has been aborted
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
