I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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