listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
