It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize