Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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