Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
