Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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