he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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