You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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