I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
