Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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