At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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