When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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