It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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