I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
