Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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