I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
