i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
