Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize