drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
