you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
