Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
