So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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