Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize