Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
