Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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