let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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