Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
