I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
