if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
