my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
