i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
