i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
