I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
