Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
