i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
