omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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