remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
In America we eat man semen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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