if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize