Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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