I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize