Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
