I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
