I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
