If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
