im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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