This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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