My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
