R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
