I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
