I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize