I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
