I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
