My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
