I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
