im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Text me some of your sweat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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