Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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