Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
