Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
