Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
