Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
