i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
