Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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